Montageman: A dude who writes

September 18, 2008

My Mom

Filed under: family — Tags: , , , — montageman @ 1:40 am
Me & my mom at her 50th birthday party

My mom and I at her 50th birthday party

Roughly 16 months ago my mom was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. Her initial prognosis was dire –  the cancer had spread and was stage 4.  Mom has been in the hospital on and off for the past month or so.  She’s not eating much, the painkillers have her totally fucked up, and she’s on a slow decline.  She’s 50. A young woman, mother, grandmother.  There is nothing fair about this.  Cancer is a motherfucker.  A couple months ago I would’ve said that she was doing well and things were under control, but how quickly the tables turn. I am the oldest of 5 boys – we are very protective of our mom.  Also, our 14 month daughter, Laila, hardly knows her grammy yet.  Helplessness.  Cancer cannot be defeated. It can be stalled, but eventually the stage 4 shit wins.  We’ve had a really wonderful year and I can’t help but think/hope that there is light at the end of this tunnel, too.  Of course, it is my mom, so I’ll be as positive as I can no matter what is said.  Matthew (my brother that lives in NYC) is bringing some Mon-A-Vie home.  I am a firm believer in healing through food, so maybe it’ll help? Hell, anything is worth trying.  This is Mom! It’s hard to imagine – 6 weeks ago she was so full of energy, but all the while there was this monster attacking her body.  Looking at her, you could never tell. She hid it well. And that is why this is so hard. Seeing your mother suffer sucks. I want to make everything better. And I will keep trying, refusing to see an end.

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